Yesterday felt really long.

I am glad I took advanced drawing class. Its a form of escapism. Pretty much like music.

There was no intention to make something beautiful. I allowed myself to be push and pulled by the details by senses pick up.

I draw what I see, I play what I hear. No longer what I think is nice.

I love drawing classes so much. Time flies when you're drawing.

However, the fatigue sets in after a day's work.

The high intensity has taken its toll on me.

There are so many issues I'm facing now.

Its a strange feeling, but I work best when work becomes play.

The challenge is to maintain a probing playfulness under intense pressure.

That, I've failed miserably at. Yet again.

Life should never become too serious.

Or maybe my definition of fun isn't typical.

Uncertain times call for an even greater measure of faith.

Perhaps that's how God grows our capacity.

I'm on a knife edge. Hot seat. Hot soup. Whatever.

I guess every one will experience a quarter life crisis.

The question is not a matter of 'if', its a matter of 'how'.

Everyone has different issues to grapple with at age 25.

It just happens that at 25 years of age, problems beset you.

Well, there'll be people who are 25 or disagree.

Maybe they're 25 in terms of human years....

Growing old isn't the same as growing up.

Some teenagers have lived a lifetime.

Their eyes will speak of many tales.

I have to sleep.

My eyes tell me that its time to take a break from this world.

Slumber. A time-out from the world. Everything passes me by.

Yet, I'm firmly grounded in my existence.

Not that I seek for a release.

There is none, in this parenthesis we call time.

Qn: Why spend so much money on a piece of land?

You obviously haven't tried staying in a one room HDB flat with 4 other siblings have you? Wow.


Qn: Why not donate $1 million to Haiti?

Oh. Their government is still intact? Besides, I didn't know money had medicinal qualities... Erm.. So you wrap those bills like a band aid? Or a makeshift tourniquet?



I marveled at these comments. They were either trying to strike a conversation, or a matchstick.

And the average Singaporean makes it to Secondary 4, at least.

No wonder... Lah.

My recent attempts at blogging can be described as sporadic at best.

Well, this year is going to be really busy for JAMs church. Nonetheless, I like it there. The musos are the finest around and the best part is that we all love to add a bit of blues into our music.

Nic has been really supportive too. I had extra time to warm up my vocals when I sang on Sunday morning. Prior to that I was squeaking. He places tremendous faith in us, I'd feel obliged to meet his expectations.

Greater things have yet to come and God's timing is quite impeccable.

Song leader training begins and above that I believe that I must grow even more as a person.

I like how Professor Larry Francis puts it, 'Music requires discipline'.

Discipline is what separates wannabes from true blue musicians.

I can't type long posts these days, time is scarce.

I can only offer glimpses of what's going on.

The consequential writings from rigorous thinking stay in my notebooks.

Ink is more accessible than power points.

I realised that as we age, the years seem to pass faster. I believe its because we have so much more to do as grown-ups.

I never want to do more than I should, not when its at the expense of something more precious. I guess the recent period has taught me a few lessons.

Its never good to go through live without thinking, that's why I like my time alone.

Where to begin? I've stopped blogging for quite awhile, ever since the start of December. I haven't lost any interest in writing, perhaps its the busy schedule in December.

Yes, life's lesson. Its amazing how God can speak or move through another person.

When my girlfriend suggested that I get the Delirious? book which was on offer, I wasn't that certain about it.

However, as I read the book, I begin to find the members of Delirious shared similar thoughts and revelations with me. I was glad and heartened by the discoveries.

I should be worried if my 'revelations' are 'unique' and there's not a single soul out there who have similar thoughts. I believe in what Ian shared about checking up revelations.

God wants to raise up the church as a mighty army, not as a bunch of individualistic mercenaries who are just working from and for themselves.

I am glad I'm still in the flow of things.

There's too much to share from the book. Besides, there are things I'll never share. Throughout the years, I've learned that its sheer stupidity to share about your aspirations and God-given dreams with every other person.

Because they'll only laugh at it, make fun of it, get a kick out of the tomfoolery. True friends guard each other's dreams, but true friends are hard to find.

I was naive, but I guess it was a lesson to be learnt.

Its pointless to try an prove anything to your detractors, it is however important to be faithful to whatever God has called me to do. Because somewhere down the road, there'll be someone I can bless tremendously.

In 2010, I'm just going to take my time. The important thing is to enjoy what I am doing. Playing music shouldn't become a chore, neither should my work. I'll never allow both to become dreary.

Well, its time to shift the focus on things that matter in 2010. Its better to do well in little than to attempt much and end up a flop.

Many people make resolutions without carefully considering. They want it but they won't commit because its easier to put down than to work on them. Personally, I'm just as culpable. However ignorant I was, it is unwise to carry on with mistakes.

Friends, work, whatever. Invest with wisdom, but sow abundantly.

Off to bed. I am left with 361 days to the end of 2010. Time to get cracking.

I am finally down to the last paper of this semester. What a wild ride it has been. I don't expect my grades to be that fantastic. Especially for some subjects. Studio modules need time to explore and practice, where do I get the time if I spend 3 hours travelling to and fro, and another 3 on lessons??

After hearing what the taxi driver said yesterday, I am really grateful that I have a gem of a girlfriend. Yes, women need security, they are the weaker vessel. But are men the only ones who need to have integrity? Values as such transcend gender roles. Loyalty is not a guy thing, its a human thing. Are women any less human then men? Are their needs(or wants) bigger than compassion, loyalty, truth and these timeless values people have fought and died for?

I believe that both man and woman have struggles specific to their gender. But it is ludicrous to justify whimsical behaviour with female needs. I don't buy that. Character development is crucial to all. A woman with great character can be the lynchpin to a man's success and a woman who can't see beyond her tresses will cause her man's downfall. Ultimately, the woman is the helper of the man's vision. Yes, they are the weaker vessels and grace should be shown. But what has this gotta do with ditching a guy with a pay cut?

The way women see man was an endless sack of gold is no different from how men treat women as playthings. Harsh statement? Not really. They have a common denominator, that is the letter 'I'. Moreover, such misconstrued thinking ignores the intrinsic value of man and woman. But all who we really are is lost in our society now. Not only has our getting defined us, it has shaped the way we see life and others as well.

True friends are hard to find, a truer soulmate is more rare. I resolved to count my blessings as much as I can and I'm truly thankful for her. On hindsight, chocolates can be bad for health after all, generally speaking. I had to type this post, after the taxi driver told me a horror story. No pontianaks, something much scarier- their human counterparts.

PS: Pardon my sardonic wit.

This post is a warm up for my Craft of Writing Final assignment. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be found typing a post half past three on a weekday. I decided to skip most of my classes to focus on my coming project submissions. According to my exam schedule, I only have one paper and the rest would be submissions, including this Craft of Writing assignment.

There is no better way to start on an assignment than to jump right into it. For the novice, that sounded like bad advice. In truth, it is the only way of effective learning. As I have learned from my animation assignments, knowing stuff is good, applying them is better. I must say this approach has paid dividends. It reminded me of how I learnt to play jazz. My playing is still far from acceptable but the approach is good. I suppose I need more time with a rhythm section. More jams and more diving into the unknown harmonic territories. I remembered that was how I learn how to play over the complex, non-diatonic chord changes in 'Wave'. I just kept trying and failing, and with each failure I took away something that I could work on. It was not easy having your ego dented again and again. However, I find that the ego is the musician's bane. It prevents us from trying and failing, in which we will gain more experience and insight. Our egos must be put to death. It(Music) is not about being cool and looking great. Its more about sounding good, its about sounding heartfelt.

At this juncture, I must declare that I have no plans to continue writing on music. I suppose its easier to write about something that's always on my mind and in my considerations.... like my girlfriend.

I would like to discuss good advice vs biblical advice. Normally, I would not use such a formal tone for my blog posts, but do bear with me.

The people in your life may present good advice, but is that advice biblical? I really enjoyed the services with Reverend Rob Thompson.He mentioned about how the early Christians would hear Paul's preaching and search the scriptures studiously to see if there are any discrepancies. It reminded me of how we(Christians) would often listen to people and willingly accept their advice because it sounded right or because they had some status in our lives. What about God? What is his opinion? While He may speak through people in our lives, the onus is on us to refer to the Scriptures for assessing certain opinions. From that revelation, I learnt something about applying the word of God in my life. I have been taking things for granted, partially without knowing myself. Every thought, every word spoken to me hasn't been tested by the Scriptures.

I am not saying that I should be aggressively contesting every opinion I receive. The Holy Spirit brings remembrance to the scriptures. If someone were to say something to me that involves a decision, would I test his or her advice with the scriptures in my heart before I act? Do I know and understand enough of the bible for the Holy Spirit to remind me with? People may be sincerely wrong because we see things from a first person perspective but God sees things from a wider angle.

What really struck me when I read about Joseph in the Book of Genesis was how he had the revelation that it is God who sent him to Egypt. The way he was brought into Egypt was hardly ideal. However, he ended up being the one to save the day.As we read the bible from a different angle, we see the entirety of things and it is easier for us to applaud Joseph and commend him for his faith. Yet if someone in our lives were going through the same trials as Joseph did, we'll not see him like we see Joseph. Because we see things from a first person angle, when we read a book we see it from a different angle, an angle much closer to God's.

I feel a certain sadness when I read of Stephen Gately's passing. I used to like Boyzone a lot. When your childhood heroes start to die off one by one, you begin to be more aware of your age. First it was MJ, now, Stephen Gately. I am listening to the album 'Where We Belong' right now and I can't help but feel melancholic.

I realised that for these few years, I have been rediscovering myself through the things that have happened in my life. I believe that God is leading me to confront my past while at the same time getting me to understand and accept how He has made me. When I was dead in my sins, I couldn't see and appreciate how He meant me to be. Salvation is not just about getting a passage to heaven. It is about being able to live out who we truly are in God.

All these while, I have been trying to be someone I am not, and I've been doing things that weren't meant for me. But He is faithful and has lead me in the way everlasting. I learned that we can be true to ourselves, the person that God has made us be, and still be in sync with the vision of our spiritual leaders.

God doesn't waste our time, much less our individuality. He has a place, time and purpose for us. I feel affirmed. Sometimes we go for prayer meetings, fellowship and all the 'spiritual' activities but we don't recognise our identity in Christ. Subsequently, w return home and our time alone becomes unbearable.

We can lose sight of our identity amidst busyness, choosing to let what we do define us rather than letting who we are define what we do.

Oh well. I must get some sleep. My body isn't taking all the late nights very well.